There are some days when you can barely look anyone in the eye because you don't want them to know how much you are in despair. There are some days when you can hardly lift your arm, days when your hands spasm uncontrollably and feel so numb that just trying to grip something leaves you sick with frustration. Days when just a trip to the launderette means that you have to have a sleep in the afternoon to recover. Days when you lie in bed, surrounding by things to keep you occupied but unable to do anything except look at the ceiling and blink back tears. There are days when you can't be funny or put on a brave face because the plans you've made for your life don't apply anymore, and you don't know where you should go from here. Days when you realise that you need to move back in with your family because you, at age 29, cannot cope alone, even with the help of your beloved. Wondering if you'll ever work again, or have kids, or even have the energy to plan more than one day ahead.
In two weeks my beloved and I will be moving in with my family, on the other side of the country. I know it will help. I look forward to being close to my parents, sisters and their families. But some days it's hard to know you're going backwards, wondering if you'll ever be able to have your life again.
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